SEEEEXXX PLEASE
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
