Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
