Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
