it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
