Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
