??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
