Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
