God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
