this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
