I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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