dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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