She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
