Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
