I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
