My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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