Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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