If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
