There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
