Do you still have your period?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
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OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
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Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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