Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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