I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
