He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
