my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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