Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
