Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
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I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
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I'm just crazy horny about you
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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