Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
