Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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