Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Duck Duck Cougar?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
