I seem to have left my pride at pride
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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