did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
