apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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