i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
