after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
