My liver just broke up with me...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
