I just made out with a guy for $7.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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