Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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