Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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