WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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