so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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