oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
