Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
