Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
