found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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