god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
