Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
