He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
