I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
