Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
