I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize