I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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