That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
