respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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