I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
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We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
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