Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
