We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I intend to get homeless drunk
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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