im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i love accidental penises.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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