how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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