the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
