I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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