you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
