Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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