By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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