You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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