i was born a porn star she said
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
