Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
