its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
