it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
