It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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