I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize