I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
