I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
