I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Sorry my hands just texted you
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
