better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize