The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
